Lucky

For those who say...

"You don't know what it's like,
you moved out."
Out was required for the moving on to begin
To admit that I had to be the ONE.
College my near nirvana.
Packed myself, studied, worked,
graduated without much applause.
I ask,
"How much easier is it to be the one who
stayed,
watched from a distance,
settled in,
to a life that did not move
or the one afraid to look back?"

"You are so lucky,
you've always got so much."
I set their alarm for five-thirty
those of their children for six.
I weigh down a tote with books, papers,
hopes and dreams.
Journey in traffic to a place I graduated,
encouraging little ones bravery to take flight.
Stretch their days
working so hard,
head down, smiles up,
the hours are lost
in the love of teaching and being taught.
Trade tv channels for chapter books,
parties for papers.
Tuck them in at eleven
too tired to see what it is they have or have not
only thinking of what is to come.
Display the erasures,checkbook prayers.
Tour a house of imperfections, patches glaring.
Still comfort and cozy fill the space.
I ask,
"Where will you retire to when your life has been so tired?"

"You are so lucky,
you have a job, no one is hiring."
I turn back my own clock to the beds I made,
the sponges I filled, the notes I took, the books read,
laundry I was paid to do, the jobs I've had and the blocks I've walked.
Tally the hours I spread thoughts on pages no one else will ever see but me.
I would like to remind them that so many of those they found hiring
were soon firing and they should ask the mirror why.

"You don't know how hard it is,
your kids are so good."
I open the curtains allowing a glimpse of dinners shared.
Hours spent reading, discussing and just being near.
Time found in my own life gently given to them
for this small piece called childhood,
the selflessness necessary for forming another life
more important than the nutrition of pregnancy,
the projection of right.
I say to them, "You could be so lucky,
if you would look past me."